February 1, 2013
You know - given the choice between going out or staying at home…90% of the time, I would choose staying home. Haha! It really has nothing to do with not wanting to be around people. Despite being an introvert, if I’m around people that I really care about and genuinely enjoy being around, I don’t mind it at all. However…in order to wind down…the thought of being around other people does not help me to relax AT ALL.
This is how I have felt for a really long time - while a lot of people I know like to go out and socialize to wind down after a long work week…I like to do the exact opposite. Come home, change into some comfy clothes, pop in a movie or read a good book. Don’t get me wrong, there are definitely days where I like to be as social as the next person and get out there into the world. But, after a truly trying week - the idea of coming home to a chill bottle of Mead and a movie is exactly what the doctor ordered.
This has been an especially trying week - a lot of things from my past have been brought up through the things that happen at my job. I guess that’s what happens when you work with a population that is so close to my heart. College was a really hard time for me…I didn’t really come into my own until senior year, because I didn’t let myself acknowledge all of who I was my first three years. And to see some of that happening to some of my students really does break my heart because I need to let them discover that for themselves.
But, all in all, I know that there is absolutely nothing wrong with feeling so invested in my work that it hurts me to see my students hurt. It means that I not only care…but I am truly engaging in a partnership with my students. A partnership for their education. A partnership for their personal development. An investment in their future - as cliche, as that sounds. I love my job. I love working with college students. I could not have asked for a better profession or a better job.
Which is why I’m ok with feeling so emotionally and physically drained at the end of the week. To me, it does show that I have worked hard. I have cared hard. I have fought hard for my students. And now, it’s time to take care of me. To rest my spirit. To let my heart feel what I need to feel now. Whether that’s to cry or to laugh or to get angry…I need to let me feel what I need to feel, in order to feel strong enough again for Monday.
Which is why my picture of the day is a picture of me - as egocentric and super “Myspace-y” as it may look. I don’t have many days where I think that I look in anyway attractive or well put together. I’m not one that spends a whole lot of time in the morning on my appearance. I think about what I want to wear the night before, so I don’t have to think about it in the morning. I take a shower and throw product in my hair. And then I’m out. I usually don’t have a make-up regiment. Really nothing. But lately, I’ve been asking myself to pause in the morning…to really look at myself in the mirror. To not only appreciate who I am, but to learn to accentuate who I am to the world. Which is why I liked this random picture that I took of myself today. I was originally using the camera on my phone as a mirror to check my contacts - but then realized that I did like the way I looked today. My hair looked good. My make-up was simple and very natural. My look was simple and very me. I felt good about myself today - which doesn’t happen too often, let me tell you that.
So - would I like to be out with people karaoking and having fun? Sure! But tonight? I am going to stay in with a chill glass of Mead and give myself permission to enjoy a “me-night”.